The Night I Died

August is still in the winter months in the New England Region of NSW Australia. And as the name implies, it's cold.

Especially when you are more used to the warm balmy climate of the Tropical Northern regions of Australia. But I came south for the birth of my second child because my Husband was in the Australian Defence force and was due to go on an Air Traffic Control course. Rather than leaving me on my own or my Mother having to come North to look after my first born while I was in Hospital, it was decided it would be better for all if I went South.

Besides, August on the property was always a busy time anyway so by me coming south, Mum was able to look after everyone.

In hindsight, this decision probably saved my life.

I went into labour early on the Saturday night of September 29th, 1976. My Husband was with me as he had received 'special' leave from the R.A.A.F to be with me for the birth. This early onset of labour was worrying because we were 26 miles out on a rough dirt road from the nearest hospital. The Doctor said for me to come in as soon as possible. In the bush, the country Doctors are called out at inconvenient times.

I was hospitalised on the Saturday night but by Monday morning, nothing had eventuated. So the long day started early. I was induced and the labour pains intensified. At 2PM they broke my waters and the first thing I saw of my child was a clump of jet black hair where the forceps had torn a piece accidentally from her head. At this stage, no one knew that she was stuck.

By 6PM that night, things were pretty desperate. An emergency Caesar was decided upon because by now, we knew well and truly that she was coming shoulder first and was getting nowhere fast.

All the emergency Theatre staff were called in. Some lived in town and others lived on surrounding properties. It was a cold and very frosty night but I was pretty unaware of any of this at this time because they had finally given me a pain killer.

I was wheeled into the theatre and prepped. The Anaesthetist started administering the anaesthetic and I tried to tell him I couldn't breathe. He paid no attention to me. Then they started cutting me and I tried to tell them that I wasn't under yet. The next thing I knew, I was looking down on myself lying on the table watching everyone work and talk around me. They were complaining about how bad the driving conditions were on the frosty roads.

I thought this is pretty boring and I started upwards. Then I saw me. I am a little ball of golden light about the same size as a golf ball. I'm still me. I think the same in my head or my own voice in my head is still the same ~ I'm still me. All my memories are intact; everything about me is still the same. This is a big revelation and comfort to me even today, thirty-one years later. But I was leaving the room now and the next thing I saw was when I was looking down at the Hospital grounds.

The white frost coated all the bare tree limbs and glistened in the moonlight. It was very, very beautiful. I have no recollection of actually deciding to move but I was being drawn upwards. Then I saw the east coast of Australia. It was funny to see because it looks just like it does on the map. Especially the NSW-Qld border. It follows the Tweed river to the coast. But I was still being drawn upwards. Something was wrong though because I shouldn't have been on my own. I don't know why I felt this; just that I did. Then I saw the world way, way below me. It was stunningly beautiful. The clarity with which this was shown to me was spectacular.

Then I came into peace. Peace is yellow, totally absorbing and all loving. All I felt was love, acceptance, kindness, peace and belonging. The love was so peaceful, all absorbing and oh, so unbelievably loving. I felt that I was home. Somewhere that I was supposed to be.

Then a voice said "Go back Jan" and I said "I don't want to go back"

"Go back Jan, I'm not ready for you" and there ended that conversation.

The next thing I knew was my Husband saying to me "We have a beautiful little daughter". And she was and is but that's another part of my life.

I have remembered this life-enriching event every day since 2nd August 1976. I have shared the event many times with my Mother when she was dying slowly from cancer. I shared it with my Father when he was dying and I know they both departed earth knowing that something far better was waiting for them.

The only words I have ever found to come remotely close to describing my experience, is the words from the Anglican service: "The peace and love of God that passes all understanding, Keep your hearts and minds in the knowledge and Love of Jesus Christ."

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Jan Smith is an ideas person for creative and innovative people. A whole world awaits open minds,curious eyes and eager hands. Find out how you can expand your horizons at www.books-that-talk.comor expand your Google Adsense knowledge and Income at www.1900allabout.com

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