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When Friendlies Attack

I like the way Abraham Lincoln said it best, "Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?"

I don't know how many of you, my readers, have actual enemies,arch nemeses, foes or adversaries as these descriptions seem somewhat extreme, but in business at the very least, sometimes rivalries happen. What is important to remember is that these rivalries need not define or impede us. Contrary to what we see in the movies, most people are really just looking for a friendly face.

People are always looking for a friendly face. They're looking for someone to acknowledge them and it makes no difference who you are, where you're going, what you're doing, they are looking for this acknowledgment.

People are sending out the signal looking for friendlies searching for people who are going to be nice to them.

And the world ignores them.

Here's something to know as you're going in: as a persuader you're going to be ignored. You are going to put yourself out there over and over, and people are most definitely going to be ignored sometimes. Know that this is inevitable going in and don't take it personally. You know better, some others, don't.

So here's a weird incongruity--how is it that what people really, truly want in life is to be acknowledged and accepted and yet they end up not paying any attention when other people are acknowledging and accepting them? We are all conditioned. That's one thing. We set up boundaries early on. Maybe we're protecting ourselves against rejection, sheltering ourselves from disappointment. We're trying to keep up a wall that separates us from the "crazies" out there and we've opted to look down at our feet and appear occupied instead of extending our energy.

And despite all of this, despite the fact that you WILL be rejected, let us commit to stop ignoring people and to cutting back on our own rudeness.

This rudeness, while not confined to the US, is not as prevalent if you go to other countries. Other cultures are quite different in terms of their unconscious hellos and a general openness to greeting people.

Several years ago I visited a Latin American country where I was woefully ignorant of their particular way of greeting. And I say woefully, because I had not only misinterpreted, but I had judged in the process.

After getting off the airplane, I noticed the greeting first in the airport. A man tipped his head back and pushed his lips out. Instead of immediately realizing that this was in fact a greeting, I took it that the man was trying to hit on me. Here, if you purse your lips at someone, it's an indication of, 'Yeah, hey, I'd like to kiss you.'

As I went through the day and evening, I encountered the same treatment everywhere I went. Was I all of the sudden a very hot commodity in the gay community? Nope. I wasn't giving off a different vibe. And yet over and over I was confronted with men who apparently wanted to kiss me.

I like to believe I'm very quick when it comes to signs and gestures, but man, did this take a while to sink in. When a fellow member of the religious group I work with did the exact same thing, it dawned on me--my limited cultural frame distorted a simple greeting into a homosexual advance. My mind expanded, the frame expanded, and I began noticing that absolutely EVERYONE was doing the same greeting.

Once I realized this, I began to immediately mirror the behavior and my discomfort became acceptance.

Article Source: http://www.dummiesguideto.com

Kenrick Cleveland teaches techniques to earn the business of affluent prospects using persuasion. He runs public and private seminars and offers home study courses and coaching programs in persuasion techniques.

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